The Detrimental Effects of Television
This is the first report of a study objectively documenting the negative
effects of television.
METHOD: Four identical television sets of a common Japanese brand
were connected by cable-splitters so that the same cable was brought in to each set and
split to different channels. One set was placed on CBS. Another to NBC. A third television
set was programmed for ABC. A fourth for Cable News Network (CNN), and a fifth set to the
Weather Channel. These sets were turned on to their respective channels and each placed in
a black plastic garbage bag and tightly sealed. Then another black garbage bag was placed
in double-wrapping and tightly sealed.
The television sets were left on for ten days in January 1992 with the
double wrapped bags. After ten days, the bags were opened and the contents explored.
(A sixth television set was identically sealed as the others and
connected to a cable but left off as control).
FINDINGS:
CBS Upon opening, the bag containing the CBS-programmed set
additionally had a front page of a New York Times covered with what was discovered to be
the droppings of the Great Northern Spotted Owl.
NBC In the NBC bag besides the television set was a Coke bottle with
public hairs in and on it.
ABC Upon opening the bag containing the ABC-programmed set, it
additionally had an old fashioned chamber pot overflowing with nite-soil.
CNN The bag containing the CNN-programmed set additionally contained a
tiny male condom and a large female condom, both used and soiled
WEATHER CHANNEL The bag containing the Weather channel-programmed
television set had an intense whiskey smell coming from it. When opened, a crumpled-up
picture of Peter Arnett was found.
OFF SET Amazingly, this television set was no longer the Japanese model
as originally sealed, but inexplicably had turned into an American made Zenith brand.
Evolution is wonderful.
COMMENT: A foul smell came from four of the bags which in effect
necessitated premature termination of the experiment. A strong smell of whiskey was noted
to be coming from the bag containing the television set programmed to the Weather Channel.
CONCLUSIONS:
1. While the impact of the brand of television sets is unclear, the
detrimental effects of Japan on the world are well documented (as in the books Some
Survived by Manny Lawton and American Caesar by William Manchester) it cannot
be proven that the Japanese nature of the products were related to the findings. The brand
of television sets will remain an uncontrolled variable for the foreseeable future.
2. The contents of the television programming was what are thought to
be the basis for the items discovered in the bags.
3. Leaving a television set on will be four out of five times offensive
to the nose.
4. Eye watering while watching television may have some protective
value.
5. For their safety, children under 8 years of age should never watch
television.
6. Press-media syndrome (PMS) is postulated to be a manifestation of
the detrimental effects of television. The study of movies is suggested as also related to
PMS.
7. The press-media syndrome (PMS) is only partly confirmed to be of
major public health detriment at least in so far as television is concerned.
8. Television sets should never be left on unattended.
9. The final conclusion is that keeping television sets off will remove
Japanese influences.
